How the hell did I wake up in an ice tray!?

Sometimes it can feel like I'm sitting in an ice tray, frozen in time against my will, pushed into the corner of the freezer for I don't know, an iced americano? It feels like this has been going on forever and weirdly seems like this has been catered exactly to my weaknesses….??

From snoozing alarms to tons of forgotten and delayed tasks, it can all get really overbearing. A central station for a brain with passengers getting on and off, and trains coming in and out, and an easily diminishable resource of energy and creativity, it can really take the light out of you under your nose.. 

If you ask people, the internet or your family - you’re going to be told that you’re just lazy, procrastinating and don’t really care enough. Can be right, but can also be terribly terribly wrong… 

And trust me, when you’re in these low vibration energies or low-moods, or you’re exhausted, these comments that come out of misunderstanding and not genuine observation turns into guilt that most often turns into internalising the shame that really deepens the freeze. 

For starters - shame is a really shitty concept in any and all contexts! Which could be another reason it’s getting tougher for us to move out of this frozen state. “Shame is a soul eating emotion”, Jung said it best. Shame will reduce you to your mistakes, belittle you for your shortcomings, and worst of all it will invalidate your existence. It is completely OKAY if you’re not able to get yourself to do things, it is completely OKAY to mess up something at your workplace, it is completely OKAY if you were not able to show up for a loved one, it is completely OKAY if you haven’t reached your fitness goals and so on.

You’re not incompetent. Neither are you not committed enough. You’re a human being. One of our best traits is literally adaptation. We are imperfect beings, which I think is pretty cool.

You’d assume that if a person was to write, describe and understand a certain behaviour they have probably conquered it; however that is not the case with the writer. The writer is stuck in an ice tray! But the freezer has an irregular temperature that fluctuates through the melting point, caught in a loop of productivity and lethargy, back and forth, side to side and round and round.

Feeling stuck and frozen can be really overwhelming, however it may get easier when I tell you that 10/10 people i’ve discussed this with have all at points of time felt frozen all are currently frozen. Hell, we all really are living similar lives, aren't we? 

The question lingering; how do I resume life? How do I get out of bed on time? How do I navigate out of this oh so shitty state? 

From what I can tell and understand, it is as simple as making a choice. 

But it isn't that simple, is it? Life is nuanced, outcomes are interconnected, and the fear of the road not taken lingers.

Someone once said “if you fear failure, you will experience both failure and regret.” 

Make a choice, choose who you want to be. Build yourself an identity, it’s really in your hand. We can tend to wait around for that perfect moment to come, or for an opportunity, or for a sign. 

There’s a line from this one song by DJ Cam called Swim; the chorus delivers this beautiful line that can really bring perspective -

“There's nobody watching you,

Sink or swim”

This line obviously sounds a little bit cynical, pessimistic and sad - but that depends on what you take from it right? Interpretation rocks. 

It probably sounds like the person that is singing is very clearly expressing across the verse being repeated 4 times, NO ONE CARES!! If you SINK or SWIM!! Life is so lonely, and no one loves me enough to- 

I couldn’t bear to finish that depressing paragraph, however; let me tell you what I took back from that line — We’re actually free from constraints, judgements & restrictions. 

Nobody is actually watching us in situations that we fear judgement from, whether we sink or swim, we will be fine. I’d also beg to differ that this is a rather empowering line that speaks to my soul. We are not only eligible to take care of ourselves, but we are probably the most APT person to help ourselves. 

In a personal ocean that is filled with gallons of personal experiences, tides of emotions and streams of thoughts, isn’t it obvious? We are the captain of our vessel, and nobody will maneuver through the storm better than us.

Take your time, or don’t waste another moment. It’s your move and there’s no wrong choice.