The campaigning phase of the 17th Lok Sabha was a tumultuous time for me. A constant fight with my inner self was coming to an end, a life-long crisis of my identity. As someone who has always seeked for belong outside his own boundaries; I had a knack of shutting down obvious sources of love and care that came towards me. Whether it was from my blood, my friends, my teachers and mentors or my country and its people.
Manipulated and molded by the words and pictures depicted by the media and its influence of the west, I began to feel alienated in my own home during my pre-teens and early teens.
And then I started to run.
Looking for belonging in every nook and corner of the internet, whether it was through music and films from the west, or internet friends or digging up and consuming cultures of the Americas, English and European countries. As a result of all this consumption through the most ground-breaking invention of that time, the digital, I was really out there looking for an identity, blindfolded.
And if you’ve met me, you could tell I reek of theoretical diaspora. Not literally, but just in my head.
In the process, I started building up so many excuses for myself. How I was born by mistake to an Indian family, how I wasn’t made for Indian traditions, my socio-economic state being notches down compared to my peers and so on.
This went for almost a decade. Neglecting and running from my identity, my house and my birthrights. And then came the complaining phase. I complained about everything, moderately. The government. The political system. The roads. The education system. The inequalities. The inflation vs income. The everything.
(Sidebar, It was around the same time I started discovering beauty in Indian culture through fashion, music, some films and our history.)
Somewhere something clicked in my head. Like I wanted to eat dal chawal for the rest of my life, or I want to be able to speak in Hindi fluently or learn more regional languages.
Bit by bit and slow and steady and all at once actually, I felt responsible for my own home. With all the noise and unethical practices of winning votes I realized I didn’t want to move out. I wanted to clean the dirt up and make my land my home. In the process, I started learning more, reading more and listening more to people about India and their love for the country.
I was making myself comfortable in my own home. However, when it came to the most important part of being a citizen of one of the world’s largest democracies. My neglecting, complaining and rebellious nature failed me. I wasn’t able to vote.
I was too busy complaining and starting debates behind my screen, I became a backseat pundit and a keyboard warrior. I had not completed my registration to vote. Despite making multiple calls and speaking to tons of people, I missed the last date for registration.
This time it was different, I was out of excuses and out of complaints.
No excuse works, because it was my right to exercise and my duty to be aware of the election system.
However, I’m sitting at my dining table writing this out during the 4th Phase of the 17th Lok Sabha election in hopes to be able to acknowledge my shortcomings as an Indian and work towards practicing my birthright and cleaning out the dust and cobwebs in my home.
If you are someone who hasn’t voted this time due to not being able to make a Voter ID card, get in touch with me and I will help and guide you through making one.
This year I choose to not be a prisoner of my past, instead be a pioneer of the future.
Jai Hind.
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